Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Hamilton Gives Alonso Finger: Loses Championship

Through the persistent efforts of Ron Dennis to do away with the story of Hamilton's fault with the steering wheel, new video has emerged that clearly shows the fault was off his own doing. It appears as Alonso swooped aggressively towards the inside, Hamilton gave him the finger and accidentally hit the switch to kill the gear box. More details to follow.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

FIA institute new Safety Car Rule ahead of Brazil

It appears as though the FIA have implimented a new saftey rule ahead of the 2007 season finale. The new rule states that apon the arrival of rain, Felipe Massa must maintain a constant, safe speed behind the safety car. No other drivers are listed.

"Thank God, we all know he cant drive in the rain."
Commented Ralf Schumacher...interestingly enough.

Alonso to Hamilton: I'll get to the shower first

A report by Germanys Bild newspaper broke the story yesterday that Alonso has employed a spy for the final week of the season in Brazil.
When contacted, Alonso had the following statement.
"I really wish I knew how he did it. He always gets to the motorhome lot before I do. Perhaps it is an error in technique?
No matter. I will find the fast lane to the shower using an aggressive setup. "
When asked about the championship.
"Yes it is important, but so is getting hott water. Between a 3rd consecutive drivers championship and a hott shower, the choice is simple. I want that hott water!"

Hamilton was not available for comment at the time of posting.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Alonso to Debut in new chassis for Brazil

Fernando Alonso is set to debut in a new chassis.
The new chassis called MP4-22.5

"We tried to make the air travel more freely providing the driver with better ventalation"
Stated Mike Coughlin in an official team press release.

When asked via phone why the extra ventilation was needed, Coughlin provided the following response.
"Well the team didn't want to hear the term "Go swivel", plus we have Alonso driving for us. "

Alonso seemed unaffected by the improvements.
"They will help for sure, but it is no matter. I will win this championship anyway."

"Our next innovation is a tazer attached to the steering wheel that can be activated by remote to keep our drivers in-line. This was specifically requested by Ron so we better get to it."

REPORT: Alonso to Renault

Fernando Alonso has been reported to be heading to Renault Racing.
As part of the deal, Renault F1 will be renamed Fernando Alonso Racing.
Flavio Briatore is said to be elated with the signing.

"It gives us an excellent chance to expand our relationship with Fernando. Fernando and I are good friends and hopefully we can continue this relationship.

Alonso was elated;

"Finally someone who will shutup and listen to what I have to say. I really dont care what you think is right, only what I know is right."

UPDATE: Alonso-"It was Me!"

Fernando Alonso has publicly stated that he is responsible for the continued loss of Ron Dennis' hair.

"Yes, I did join McLaren this year for this specific purpose. I had been in negotioations with Flavio and he made me a bet that I couldn't do it. Well obviously I have completed my mission"

The bet between Alonso and Flavio Briatore was said to be around $1,000,000.

Probe launched as to the absence of Ron Dennis' Hair

A inquiry has been launched into the absence of hair on Ron Dennis' head. Many conspiracy theorists have made arguments about it.

"It makes sense to me atleast, McLaren was mining Ferrari data so while doing that wouldnt you want someone to look like Jean Todt?"
said one avid fan.

No conclusion has been made as of yet.